During the conversation, while you are talking, you are the center. This we have also called the participant; your friend is at the periphery, what we have called the observer (although here 'listener' would be a better word). When your friend speaks it is reversed; your friend is at the center and you are at the periphery. Because of the alternation implicit in a conversation, the strain of holding the two modes together in consciousness is released a little. This is one important reason that we enjoy talking to one another. It is often unimportant what is said as long as each is willing and able to yield to the other. When this happens you and your friend are one whole.
The Confrontation of Two Centers Now suppose your neighbour's dog has been in your garden and has dug up your favourite flowers. You have to speak to your neighbour about this. How do you feel? Tense and uncomfortable. You do not like your neighbour as much as you did before the dog had its spree in the garden. When you speak to each other, instead of a conversation, it turns into an argument. You want to say something but the neighbour interrups. And so you interrupt him. He raises his voice, saying, "You listen to me!" "No!" you say, "Listen to me!"
What happens next?....rising emotions impede the natural rhythm of your breathing...you avoid eye contact with your neighbour or even more anger may arise...whoever backs and down looks away is humiliated...humiliated, you complain to a sympathetic 3rd person....
"If one is observant, one will see this type of mental aggression occupies much of our waking life.
We do it to overcome unbearable tension brought about by the conflict of two centers, each vying to be the only one. By trying to destroy the image of the neighbour, however, I reaffirm his presence, and a vicious circle results. It is like a spiritual hemorrhage. Hatred is an attempt to stop this hemorrhage. Hatred is like the bleeding of a wound that, when congealed, staunches itself. It comes of out of the formula, "I hurt, it is your fault". Talking and thinking about our neighbour keeps us in a steady flow of pain. However, we blame the neighbour, which is a forceful way of separating ourselves from him. In blaming, the pain turns to hate and so congeals. In hatred, because it is so dense and rigid, we find a secure center, However, hatred also causes separation, and so in itself becomes the cause of further pain." ...from Montreal's Zen Master, Albert Low, The Butterfly's Dream, In search of the Roots of Zen, pg. 97 to 99.
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