"Courtesy is about attending to the other appropriately. It is about giving the other their due. It does not matter what the culturally circumscribed behaviour is; all good manners are about the self demonstrating that it is at the service of the other. Even if the culturally defined rules contradict conventions that one is accustomed to. As soon as one realises that another person’s apparent lack of correct behaviour is due to their interpretation of correct behaviour one immediately forgives the misdemeanour. After all, it is not the good behaviour that one is after per se, it is the acknowledgement of the self."......from http://www.scribd.com/doc/19100998/Intent-Etsko-Schuitema
Accountability...Whose Problem is it Anyway? "One of the difficulties {clients} I have worked with talk about is clarifying what issues are their responsibility and what issues belong to others. ‘When clients first present their story to me they often blame others, implying that the other person caused their self-righteous anger or that they wouldn’t be abusive if it wasn’t for something the other person did. You may find it easier to shift responsibility onto others than face your own part in it. It takes a strong {person} to stand up and admit that things are not what they should be."...from Feeling Angry Playing Fair (1998) by Ken McMaster, Reed, Auckland, chapter 3.
Strength and Weakness: "There is, however, an up side to this argument in that the distinction between giving and taking is also synonymous with the distinction between weakness and strength. If you want something from someone else, the other person’s capacity to withhold what you want makes you easily manipulated. It makes them strong and you weak. Whereas if you want to give someone something, and what you are giving is so unconditional that you do not even want them to like what you are giving to them they cannot manipulate you. In this case you are strong. This means that you are weak to the degree to which you dedicate your attention to what you want to get and you are strong to the degree to which you focus attention on what you should be giving. One of the differences between the mature adult and the child is the difference between strength and weakness. Again, to be mature means to be here to give, which means to be strong"....from a nameless internet source
"All that Buddhist jargon about dealing with challenges is too foreign to the modern mind. Modern people, in being confronted with a challenge, should "1. Face It, 2.Accept It, 3.Deal with It, and 4. Let It Go."...Master Sheng Yen in a Zen retreat.
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