Comox Valley Mediation: Fighting couples: therapy or mediation?

The emphasis in mediation is a little different from therapy.













The mediator listens to one story, and says, "Wow, these problems must be causing you great consternation. It must be very difficult to live with this other person."

Then the mediator listens to the other story, and says, "Wow, these problems must be causing you great consternation. It must be very difficult to live with this other person."

Then the mediator puts the two story tellers together to create a new storyline. It's the business of creating a workable business-like relationship in the affairs of two people who want to repair and enrich their personal lives.

"A lot of therapies deal with shifting around attitudes...sometimes, people need the help of a therapist to talk things out. If what they are holding is very subtle and specific to a "set-up", a specific limiting way of being in the world, then they might need someone fairly skilled in spotting "set-ups" and in helping someone to let go at a pace that is workable and reasonably comfortable. They might also need help in facing why they even feel the need for that set-up!"...from Open Mouth Already a Mistake, Wu Kwang both a practicing New York psychotherapist and Zen master, pg, 88.

"In psychotherapy, the approach is different. You're caught in a bunch of negative ideas, let's say--negative feelings about yourself; negative images about yourself, etc. You have to see where you got all of those negative images about yourself, etc. You have to see where you got all of those negative images from. And, you also have to see how you're holding them, and how you're using them. And what your attachment to them is! If you can see that, then you can perhaps experiment with some other view. So that's the psychotherapeutic approach, pg 95 of the same source.

Relax. Smile. Together we can work it out. 

Can mediation work for you? Google Symonds Mediation Associates for a free assessment. Ask how he can help you resolve your dilemma.